Race Recap: Gary Smith 3-mile Walk (6/12/16)

A friend told me about this little race, and I was super excited to enter.  I haven't raced in FIVE MONTHS (Lifetime Indoor Tri in January), and I was itching to don a bib again!  

The Gary Smith Classic is actually a 5-mile running race, with a 3-mile walk option as well as a 2-mile kids' race.  Joey decided he wanted to enter the kids' race, so it was great to have a buddy for the morning!  This would be his first race where I wasn't either a) cheering him on, or b) running with him, so I think we were both a bit more nervous than usual.

We got to the race site, Thomas Worthington HS, and picked up our bibs and shirts (nice blue tech shirts!).  After we threw them in the car, we milled around chatting with a few of my friends who were running.  Always love to see people at races!  Joey and I did some stretches, and then walked an easy mile around the track.  He just got his first pair of running shoes the other day, so I wanted him to at least walk a bit in them before the actual race!  

Love this pre-race pic of my boy!

The 5 miler started at 9:00, and my walking race started a few minutes later.  Joey didn't start until 9:15, so I left him in the care of some random mom who looked friendly and who had two boys in the race, hoping that he'd make it to the starting line (he did, of course).  Quick recap on him--he did great!  My pre-race guess for his time was 17:30, and he ended up getting 10th out of 24 runners with a 17:28.  He said that he "died" after about a mile, that it was too hot out (it was!) and that "everything hurt" by the end. I'd say that's a successful race!

Allison took this one of him racing!

So, my own race started just after 9:00.  There were about 40 "walkers" in the 3-mile event. I use the term "walkers" very very loosely.  The race was chip-timed with a whistle start.  3, 2, 1.... TWEET, and we were off, with several people taking off jogging.  Um, what?  I thought this was a walking event?  I was actually looking forward to seeing some fast race-walkers (those people AMAZE me, with the elites able to walk a 10K faster than I can run one!), but alas, there were none.  Just the joggers who took off, and one other woman who was walking about 10 feet in front of me.  

The race started out in the parking lot of the high school, wove down to the Olentangy Trail for a bit, and then up into the neighborhoods. I do mean UP... after about a mile, the course went up up up for about a mile, total elevation increase of 80 feet over a mile.  This is so much worse than RUNNING up that kind of a "hill".  Walking is a whole different sport, I tell you!  It was during the second mind that I caught up to the only walker who was ahead of me.  We ended up chatting for the final mile or so of the race.  I probably could've gone a bit faster, but it was so nice to have someone to talk to!  We just chatted about the weather (HOT) and the race itself.  We actually finished at the EXACT same time, but I am listed ahead of her in the results (probably due to our last names LOL).  My final time was a 41:13, good enough for 7th overall out of 43 walkers (but I will swear by the fact that I was 1st overall for the walking division!). 

Another pic courtesy of Allison... approaching the finish!

See, exact same time! :)

I didn't look at the app on my phone at all during the race, just so that I wouldn't get obsessive about my pace.  Mile 1 was mostly downhill, with an average pace of 12:57.  Never thought I'd be so happy to go sub-13 LOL!   Mile 2 (the uphill one) was 13:41.  Mile 3 was mostly downhill as well, 13:45 average pace.  And the "finish" of 0.06 miles (on the track so very very flat) was 12:51 pace.  My overall pace for the race was 13:28.  I totally exceeded my expectations, as I was hoping for a sub-45 (sub-15 min/mile average).  That being said, I do not love walking!  Both of my feet fell asleep by mile 2.  I was bored until I met up with the other walker.  It was pretty out and I tried to embrace the fact that just 3 weeks ago I was still on crutches, and here I was, walking FAST!  The other great part: zero pain at all in my hip.  I was super happy for this, of course!

LOVE the mugs we got!!!

So, all in all, I'm excited that I got to do this race.  It was a great foray back into racing for me.  I saw my doctor on Wednesday and she said that when I come back in two weeks, she is planning on giving me the go-ahead to start the "return to running plan", meaning walk-run intervals!  The plan is the same one that I did with Dr. Bright last year, and it starts with walking. I told her I've already done up to 60 minutes of walking, so she said I could start at Step 3.  

I am going to do a bit of researching as well to see if I find any others.  This one was a good one for me last year, but I kind of feel that I got back into regular running too fast.  This plan actually has me back to "regular running" after 16 workouts, which could be as soon as 4 weeks if I am doing it 4x/week (I think this is what I did last time). If I back off to 3x/week, then it's more like 5.5 weeks, which sounds a bit better.  With triathlon training, 3x/week is more than enough running.  If I don't find a plan I like better, I will use this one but stick to only running 3x/week at the most.  

Chronicles of Recovering from a Femoral Neck Stress Fracture (an ongoing entry)

Updated 6/30/16

When I first Googled Femoral Neck Stress Fracture, most of what I got was doom and gloom.  People who were on crutches for 6 months and still not healed... people who were still unable to run a year after the injury... needless to say, I freaked out a bit.  Fortunately I have two friends who had the exact same injury and were able to tell me about their not-quite-so-dramatic experiences.  This blog was also very helpful, as it chronicles in detail the recovery of a runner, but her injury was less severe (a stress reaction versus a stress fracture). 

What this is, is my own personal recovery timeline.  I hope that by sharing this that others with the same injury might benefit from reading about my own journey, should they turn to Google for similar stories.  I of course am not a medical professional!  This is just my personal story, and what you take away from it is up to you.  

I plan on adding to this entry with updates, workouts, etc.

4/2--Second and final 20 miler of the training cycle!  So excited to get through it.  Zero pain during run... but groin felt sore after.  What the what?  I've never had upper leg/hip pain before.  Lots of ice and gentle stretching today and the next day (yoga class as well), but nothing really was helping.

4/4--Easy 4 miler... no pain till after the run ended, then it wasn't pretty.

4/5--A very sore groin muscle led me to call my sports med doctor for an appointment.  Had to see a colleague.  His diagnosis was what I expected: hip flexor strain.  He recommended rest.

4/6--Saw my chiropractor, who agreed with the doctor.  

4/7--Easy 4 miles HURT.  Met up with a good PT friend who felt it was NOT a hip flexor issue, but rather a joint impingement issue.  Given exercises to do.  She recommended a week of rest as well.

4/8--Saw my regular sports med doctor.  She agreed with the diagnosis of hip flexor strain and said a week off should do the trick.  

4/13--Easy 4 miles for my return to running (after 6 days of zero physical activity).  Felt off and not wonderful at all for the first 3 miles.  Good for the final mile, but pain as soon as I stopped running.

4/16--my last true run.  I ran with my marathon training buddies, and we did 6 miles.  Here is my daily mile post from that run: "It wasn't how I wanted it to be... but I was so grateful to run these miles with my girls. Hip was tight for mile 1, and anytime we stopped (e.g. crosswalks) it would hurt to start back up for the first 50 yards or so. I played with the pace to see what felt best. Miles were 8:56, 8:24, 8:30, 8:35, 8:47, 8:51. I felt best at the 8:24-8:35 pace, which gives me some hope. Post-run I'm very tight. I am getting a massage tomorrow night and I have great faith in both my massage therapist and chiro, that between the two of them I'll be running a marathon in 7 days!"   And I really felt that this would be true... that I would be able to run in my marathon.  

4/18--Running trial.  After two days of being very sore, I felt quite a bit better on Monday morning and decided to try a run with Tamara.  An easy 3-4 miles turned into 0.24 miles that ended in tears.  The pain was awful... I could barely walk, let alone run.  It was that day that I realized that the marathon would not be happening, and it was definitely a difficult day for me.

4/20--official diagnosis (via MRI) of a femoral neck stress fracture.  My doctor actually called me to let me know that I indeed wouldn't be racing that weekend.  It's never a good thing to hear your doctor's voice on the phone.  She said that I would be on crutches for up to 6 weeks, but Dr. Google told me that it likely would be longer before I was able to bear weight on my left leg.  I honestly felt relief, to finally know that there was indeed *something* wrong with me, more than just a hip flexor strain like all the doctors had been saying.  It gave some validity to my pain, knowing I actually did have a stress fracture, and that running the marathon wasn't only unwise, that it was not allowed. 

4/20-5/4--For these 2 weeks, I was totally non-weight bearing (NWB).  I used my crutches 100% of the time when I was out of the house, including when I was at work.  I will admit, I did some limping around at home.  It was almost impossible to do everything that I needed to do while on crutches--making dinner was the most difficult task, for sure. 

5/4--I saw Dr. Dick for a two-week follow-up visit.  The appointment went well, and I was given permission to start "partial weight-bearing." 

5/5-5/11--Partial weight-bearing.  I began with toe-tapping for a couple of days, then started putting more and more weight on my injured leg (still using both crutches of course).  

5/12-5/18--I started using one crutch for a part of each day.  I actually had to Google "how to walk with one crutch", as I had no clue!  Fortunately, it is a very natural movement for me, and within a few days I was almost as fast with one crutch as I was when I walked pre-injury.  The best part: I had one free hand, so I could actually carry things again!  I increased the amount of time that I used just one crutch (versus two) as the week went on, so that by 5/18 I was only using one crutch for the majority of the day.

5/18--I saw Dr. Dick for a four-week follow-up visit.  Things were still looking great, and I got permission to start weaning off the crutch.  I started using only one crutch 100% of the time on 5/19.

5/19-5/24--Each day, I used my crutch less and less.  Some days I'd be a bit achier than others, so I would just use the crutch a bit more on those days.  

5/25--my first day of 100% walking without the crutch!  I wasn't at school (professional development day = sitting around listening to others talk), which was ideal for my first crutch-less day.  I overdid it a bit over Memorial Day weekend (5/28-5/30) for sure... I swam at Alum Creek twice (1.5 miles and .75 miles) and did my first true "recovery walk" of 1.6 miles with a neighbor friend.  By Monday evening I was achy and realized I needed to take things a bit slower.  Fortunately a couple of days off did the trick, and I was as good as new! 

At this point (6/6/16), I am working to slowly build up my strength and endurance again with walking, swimming, and very easy cycling (learning how to ride clipped in!).  Below is a list of the workouts that I have done since beginning my recovery (going all the way back to my first swim workout in early May):

6/8/16--I saw Dr. Dick for a seven-week follow-up visit.  Another great appointment.  Dr. Dick had me do the "hop test", which I was pretty nervous about.  I was able to successfully hop without pain on my injured leg, which is pretty phenomenal!  Going back in two more weeks and barring any unforeseen circumstances, we will be discussing my return to running!

6/22/16--My final appointment with Dr. Dick!  Things look great and I'm officially "released" from her care, at least for this injury.  She wrote a script for me to have a gait analysis done at OSU Sports Med Endurance Clinic. I am super-psyched for this analysis!  For my return to running plan, I am following this plan, which I found and decided on after a lot of Googling.  I will chronicle the workouts with this plan below as well (separate heading from the walks I've been doing).  


Walking workouts:
5/29--1.24 miles (19 minutes) @15:17/mile
6/2--1.63 miles (30 minutes) @ 18:00/mile
6/3--2.32 miles (36 minutes) @ 15:39/mile
6/4--3.1 miles (49 minutes) @ 15:50/mile **note: right foot got numb after about 30 minutes
6/6--4 miles (64 minutes) @ 15:34/mile **note: right food numbness again... wtf???
6/7--2.45 miles (34 minutes) @ 14:07/mile
6/9--3.00 miles (44:48) @ 14:57/mile
6/12--3.06 miles (41:12) @ 13:28/mile **BOTH feet numb after about 30 min.
6/13--3.17 miles (45:40) @ 14:25/mile **right foot numb after 30 min.
6/15--3.1 miles (45:00) @ 14:31/mile
6/19--1 mile (13:48) @ 13:48/mile **after a bike as part of a "brick"
6/20--4 miles (57:08) @ 14:17/mile
6/23--2.8 miles (40:00) @ 14:17/mile
(continued below with return to running workouts)
Swimming workouts:
5/4--1200 yards pulling
5/9--2000 yards pulling
5/14--2000 yards (pulling with some drills and very easy swimming mixed in at the end)
5/18--1500 yards swimming (very very easy)
5/28--OWS (1.5 miles)
5/30--OWS (.75 miles--1:36/100)
6/4--OWS (.73 miles--1:36/100)
6/8--OWS (.73 miles--1:36/100)
6/16--OWS (.99 miles--1:44/100)
6/18--OWS (1.45 miles--1:32/100)
6/22--OSW (.72 miles--1:35/100)
6/25--OWS (race) (2.44 miles--1:31/100)
6/30--OWS (.98 miles--1:32/100)

Cycling workouts:
6/3--5.02 miles (12.6 mph)
6/5--8.88 miles (12.4 mph)
6/11--11.91 miles (15.7 mph)
6/12--20.46 miles (14.9 mph)
6/15--13.22 miles (16.2 mph)
6/16--11.85 miles (16.6 mph)
6/18--29.79 miles (16.0 mph)
6/19--10.25 miles (16.6 mph)
6/21--17.35 miles (15.2 mph)
6/22--11.84 miles (17.1 mph)
6/27--10.28 miles (16.4 mph)
6/30--11.92 miles (16.5 mph)

Return to running workouts (based on this plan):
Phase 1: Walking program (completed prior to 6/22)
Phase 2: Plyometric routine (completed 6/20)
Phase 3: Walk/jog progression
*Stage 1: 5 min walk/1 min jog x 5 (6/23 and 6/27)
*Stage 2: 4 min walk/2 min jog x 5 (6/29)

Baby-stepping right along...

It has been 44 days since my last run (and I am not counting that one attempt with Tamara two days before my injury was diagnosed, as it was 0.24 miles--but if I were counting, 42 days).  For some reason, it doesn't feel like it has been as long as the time that I was off last year for injuries (49 days).  I think that is mostly due to the fact that I am in no rush to start running again.  My running partners are chomping at the bit to get me back out there with them.  Don't get me wrong, I miss the time we spent together, but do I miss running right now?  Nope.  I am perfectly content with walking.  

Yes, WALKING! I am walking!  I saw Dr. Dick again on May 18th for my 4-week follow-up.  She was again very pleased with my progress, and said that I could continue with partial weight-bearing and work towards walking again.  I spent the next week using one crutch (I got super fast at "walking" with one crutch, and it opened up a whole new world as I could carry things again!), and every day I added in a bit more walking without the crutch.  My first day without using crutches at all was on May 25th.  It was an easy day for me as I had a professional development for work (read: sit on my butt for most of the day), so it was a good day to start walking again.  Yesterday (May 29th) I asked my neighbor if she'd go on a walk with me.   She's been walking our neighborhood so I knew she'd be in.  We did our "little loop" (it's around 0.6 miles) twice.  I was tickled with my 1.24 miles in under 19 minutes!  

I am feeling good, overall.  I don't have any pain, which is a good thing. I do feel achy at times.  That's when I take a step back and try to sit a bit more.  I think it's my body's way of reminding me that I need to take this recovery sloooooowly.  I am ever so grateful that I am able to walk now, that's for sure!  Also, I was able to get in the water on Saturday for my first open water swim of the season!  It was COLD... 63 degrees!  Thank goodness for my wet suit, although sleeves would have been nice.  Actually, once I started going, it wasn't too awful.  I did 2 lengths of Alum Creek "Beach" with Carrie, and 2 more with Robin, for a total of about 2400 yards (1.5 miles).  I was reminded how much more I prefer open water swimming to pool swimming.  The waves from the jet skis nearby weren't fun, but I love just swimming, not having to think about anything but where the buoys are. I have an open water swimming race on June 25th. I am supposed to do the 1 mile swim, but I may bump it up to 2 miles if I'm feeling good that day.  

Right now, that's the only race on my schedule. I am trying to not dwell on the upcoming triathlon season, but it's hard.  I was really looking forward to the races that I had planned.  I am hoping to get out on my bike very soon (I am now cleared for easy cycling), and perhaps I will find an Aqua-Bike race to do later on this summer... or at least another open water race.

Of course, I have been thinking about the long-term.  I know what I should NOT do, and that is rush into another marathon.  As much as I want to qualify for Boston in the near future (as in this fall), I can't let myself do it.  Not yet.  I see myself perhaps trying to do a 5K race in the late fall (e.g. November)... maybe a half in the spring.  I also see myself turning into a year-round triathlete... meaning, not really running a ton, but training for all three disciplines.  This might be the best way for me to stay-injury free.  I would love a year without injuries.  These are just my wandering thoughts... nothing is set in stone, nor will it be for awhile.  Right now, I'm honoring the recovery, loving the walk, grateful for it all. 

Ahead of schedule!

Finally, at last, something is going my way.   The timeline for a femoral neck stress fracture recovery is pretty lengthy.  I have had two friends who had this exact injury; one was on crutches for 8 weeks and the other for 3 months.  Neither ran for 4 months.  From my research on the Internet, this is pretty much par for the course.  Most people are on crutches for 8-12 weeks, and then slowly start walking and then intervals with running.  

I saw my doctor two weeks after my initial diagnosis on April 20 for a follow-up.  I wasn't sure what to expect--if she'd want to do an x-ray to look for new bone growth or what.  At my appointment, she did some of the same exercises that she used to diagnose my injury.  There was minimal discomfort, so she said I could start "partial weight bearing", which means I can put some weight on my injured leg!  I started with just "toe-touching", which is basically using the crutches as normal, but putting my toe down to test the waters.  

After a few days, I moved to adding 25% of my body weight, then 50%.  After a week, I have graduated to one crutch!  I use the crutch on my good side, moving it in unison with my injured leg.  With every stage in this process, I have felt a bit of discomfort (not sharp pain) after the first day, but within two days I am good.  I see my doctor again this coming Wednesday, which will be 4 weeks post-diagnosis. I am crossing all fingers and toes that I might actually get to start walking without my crutches in the next couple of weeks! 

The other great thing is that I am allowed to swim!  Well, not exactly swim, but pull with a pull buoy.  And no pushing off the wall with my injured leg.  I've been three times in the past 1.5 weeks.  Today was the first time that I took the pull buoy off and swam without it, with some VERY light kicking for about 200 yards.  Like, almost nonexistant... and there was zero pain.  The Sunday before my diagnosis, I swam and I definitely had discomfort when I kicked.  So this was a very very happy moment today!  

More than anything right now, I just want to walk.  I am honestly very scared of running right now. I have no interest in jumping into it!  My summer vacation starts in a couple of weeks, and I want to be able to go to the park with the kids and not be hobbling around.  Right now, a nice long leisurely walk sounds heavenly!

This is actually a good time for this injury, as April and May are super-busy months for us with spring activities for the kids.  The worst part is that I miss my friends.  I got to have an early coffee date with Amanda one day, and Allison S. another.  I met Amy for fro-yo and a park date with our kids.  And Kim came over and gel-manicured my nails.  It's not the same as complaining through our early-morning miles, of course, but it's something.  I did have to unfollow my running pages on Facebook... having every single post on my feed with running as the subject was just too much.  I know I will be back, but for now my focus is on not thinking about when that will happen. 

Pity Party, table for one

My life for the past few days has been exactly this, a pity party with exactly one person in attendance: me.  

That's actually not true.  My kids and husband have been a little miserable as well.  Picking up the slack for me apparently is no fun.  But I think they will agree that I have it the worst.  Being on crutches is pretty darn inconveniencing.  

Most of you know about my diagnosis and all that, but just in case, here it is... I have an incomplete stress fracture of the femoral neck. This is actually next to the ball of the join that connects your hip to your pelvis.  

The femoral neck is indicated with wavy lines.

My fracture is on the "compression side" (inner side)... apparently this is the better than having it on the outside, as that would mean instant surgery and pins in my hip. It's called an incomplete (or non-displaced) fracture because it's not fully broken (the crack doesn't go all the way through the bone)....but if I were to run before it heals, it is possible that it would displace and break fully.
The prognosis: My doctor said no weight bearing activities for up to 6 weeks, including walking... hence the crutches. She wants to see me in two weeks, to see if I can go to partial weight-bearing and maybe start swimming, depending on how things are healing. However, after playing Dr. Google, I am not too optimistic on any of this happening anytime soon. On the average, it seems that most people with this injury are on crutches for 8-10 weeks, and aren't able to return to even walk/run intervals for a couple of months after that. Many take even longer than this, again based on what I've read. The return is very pointed and slow. As I am not a patient person, this is going to truly test me. The past two days already have been difficult. I have been teaching from my wheelie-desk-chair, mostly staying by my Elmo and projector, but occasionally wheeling around the room as needed. I only use my crutches when I leave my classroom.

It's harder to remain non-weight-bearing at home, though. I am alone with the kids for 2+ hours before Joe arrives home from work, and they are used to eating dinner over an hour before he arrives. I also have to do many of the drop-offs for sports and activities. I'm grateful that Charlotte has become my right-hand-man, but there's only so much a 9-year-old can do. I have a feeling that the crock pot will become my best friend over the next several weeks.

I've been trying to wrap my head around the fact that not only am I not going to be racing this weekend, but I also am very likely out for the summer when it comes to triathlon season. I have 4 races scheduled--a super-sprint on 5/28, a mini on 6/4, an Olympic in mid-July, and of course the half-Ironman on 8/21. Oh and a 1-mile swimming race on 6/25. I am going to find out about deferring the triathlons, or getting partial refunds. I realize the need to take this return slowly and not rush things. I've decided that the Erie Marathon in September 2017 sounds awfully appealing right now... yes, that is 17 months from now. I don't plan on my return to running taking that long, but it leaves me plenty of time to recover and rebuild... and hopefully to figure out why this keeps happening to me. The plans include getting a bone density scan to see if I have any apparant weaknesses, as well as a complete blood work-up to look at different vitamin levels. Once I am healed, my friend Lynn says that I will need to learn how to just walk. After only 48 hours on crutches, a long walk sounds like an amazing thing. I will be grateful when it happens.

"You've gotta know when to hold 'em... know when to fold 'em..."

Everyone knows how the next two lines of the song that is the title of this blog go... 

"Know when to walk away... and know when to run..." (courtesy of Kenny Rogers)

And everyone who knows me knows by now that this isn't going to be a happy blog, I'm sure, just based on the title alone.  I wish I could write a happy blog, I really do.  I wish I could post about how awesome my run went this evening with Tamara.  I never run evenings, but I was tired and sore and didn't want to wake up early today.  I knew my hip felt better in the afternoon once I'd been moving around all day, and with Joey not having to go to soccer tonight due to HIS injury (bad inflammation of the tendons in his foot), I figured, why not run at 5:30 PM instead of 5:30 AM?

Rewinding just a bit, I ran on Saturday morning with my girls.  I decided to see how it would feel to run a bit faster.  The 6 miles I did with them ended up being at an 8:41 overall pace, with the fastest mile being 8:24 and the slowest 8:56.  I honestly didn't feel awful.  Right when we started, Allison or Megan or one of the girls behind me commented that I was limping a bit.  I definitely felt awkward in my gait, but it didn't hurt to run.  So I stuck with it and within 5 minutes I felt like my normal self again.  No pain, except for when we had to stop for crosswalks, and then starting back up again was definitely painful.   Only for about 25-50 yards, though.  I felt best when we were going faster.  Hmm, I thought to myself... maybe I'm okay.  Maybe I can still do this marathon!  I just won't stop!

I was fine... until we stopped running.  And the tightness set in.  And I could barely walk... for two days.  Limping around like Mrs. Gimpy McGimpster herself.  What the what???  I was able to chalk it up to Saturday's run though.  I clearly had no business pushing the pace on Saturday.  I attributed my muscle soreness to this.  It was bilateral, after all... and bilateral is a GOOD thing in the world of running!  Bilateral means it's happening on both sides of the body, which clearly means it's NOT an injury, right?!  

I woke up today and felt a lot better.  Barely a limp anymore.  Great, I said to myself, this is going to be fine!  But as I waited for Tamara to arrive to run this evening, I did my dynamic stretches and walked around the front yard to warm up... and I knew.  I just knew.  Lunges were slightly painful, when before they had not been.  Walking more than a few feet felt awkward.  My hips still felt... off.  I was adjusted at my chiropractor this afternoon, and he insisted things in my body were lining up fine.  But things didn't FEEL fine on either side of my body.  And, as soon as we started, my fears were verified.  Running hurt.  Not just achy... it really hurt.  Every single footstep was painful for me, radiating up into my pelvis on my injured side.  Tamara instantly noted that I was limping.  Unlike Saturday, though, I couldn't brush it off as just "getting back into my gait".  Because this hurt.   Let's just run to the end of the street, Tamara suggested.  Let's see how you feel.  But less than a quarter of a mile in, I came to a dead stop.  I couldn't even run to the end of the street.  I couldn't ignore the pain.  Let's walk to the end of the street then, she said.  But I couldn't even do that.  Instead, we turned around.  Slowly, ever so slowly, we walked back to my house.  Each step brought waves of discomfort that resonated up my leg.  I held it together... I didn't want my neighbors (who were all out enjoying the gorgeous spring evening) to see my tears.  I hugged Tamara goodbye and headed into the house.

The tears just trickled at first as I sat on the couch with ice on my groin.  They didn't turn into sobs for almost an hour, when my husband came downstairs from a day in bed (stomach flu).  I looked into his eyes as he took in the scene, and told him that I wasn't going to be running my marathon.  That's when the floodgates opened.  I think I scared my kids with the forcefulness of my sobs.  I wasn't just sad... I was angry.  So very angry.  It did help to let it all out (he made sure I did that in the solitude of our bedroom so as to not further worry our kids).  

A couple of my friends have suggested that I wait and see how I feel on Sunday morning.  The thought flickered through my mind, of course.   But as the lyrics of the song go... you really do have to know when to fold 'em.  And I'm folding.  I am not afraid of running a slow time this weekend.  I'm cool with a 5-hour marathon.  I am not afraid of DNF'ing if it hurts.  If I run 10 or 12 or 18 miles and have to stop because the pain gets overwhelming, well then I have to stop.  What scares me is the pain.  Of enduring that kind of overwhelming pain, with a gimpy limp-run, for 4+ hours.  I could barely endure it for 2 minutes today.  Maybe I'm not strong enough, but I've been able to push through a lot of pain in my life (years of competitive swimming, natural childbirth a few times), so I like to think that I'm a pretty good pain-pusher.  Still, part of me wonders if I could do it.  I'm not going to try, no worries... I've come to my decision and now I need to make peace with it.  

So... now what?  That's always the question for me.  No running, for sure.  I am going to try to get into my doctor, as I would really like an MRI to see if there's anything else going on besides a hip flexor strain.  Regardless, I'll be resting for a bit.  I have signed up for 2 mini triathlons, 1 Olympic triathlon, and 1 half-Ironman this summer.  Training can wait for now, though.  For now, it's time to just walk away.

The much-awaited-for update

Okay, I'm kidding... I know that no one is really waiting on pins and needles for me to update on how things are.  My close friends know how I'm doing because they've asked.  But I figured I might as well write a blog, seeing as I have so much free time.

Because, you see, I haven't been running.  Shocker (at least to some people!), I am actually listening to advice and resting right now.  I didn't run for six straight days, which really did feel like an eternity.  I actually had to unfollow all of the running pages on Facebook so that I didn't get upset every time I logged on and saw posts about running.  Meanwhile, I did my exercises and stretches... and that was it.  Oh, one day I did do some light-weight arm strength work (biceps, triceps), but I did them seated so as not to tax my legs in any way possible.  I wanted to bike... I wanted to swim... but my doctor recommended just doing nothing.  

Yep, I've been resting.  But I finally went for a run on Wednesday morning with a few of my favorite training partners who were willing to go whatever pace I needed (Tamara and Allison S.).  The run was... just okay.  Nights and early mornings are actually worst for me.  The less I move, the more my injury bothers me.  So things like sitting for extended periods of time (more than 5-10 minutes)... oh, and SLEEPING... yeah, those aren't good.  Hence, when I first wake up in the morning, I'm very tight and even walking is uncomfortable until I've been up and moving for a bit.  I feel best in the mid-afternoon, as I don't sit at all from around 12:30-2:30 PM (when I teach for two straight periods).

Back to the run, though.  The first two miles felt like I hadn't ran in, well, in a week.  Cinder blocks on my feet.  Calves tight.  Plodding at best.  I started feeling a little more like myself in mile 3.  My hip wasn't painful... it was there, maybe slightly achy, but not awful.  By the fourth mile, I had finally settled into my normal gait, thank goodness, and that mile flew by (unlike the first 3).  I definitely could have ran more, but our loop ended, and I had to decide if I wanted to run more or go home and stretch and foam roll before work.  Stretching and foam rolling won (see how SMART I am?).  The fact that I felt better after mile 4 than I did after the first couple of miles, coupled with the fact that I feel best when I've been up and moving during the day, allows me to hold out hope that this marathon may actually happen.   
I was more concerned with how I'd feel after the run, though.  Honestly, though, my groin didn't hurt as much as my super-tight quads did.  I tried foam rolling them out, but for the next 24 hours they were causing me to walk funny, they were so tight.  On Thursday afternoon I finally got to see my awesome chiropractor again, and he did his magic.  A super-duper painful hip adjustment and some awful manipulations, plus Graston on my poor quads.  But when I got off that table, I felt like a million dollars.  Dr. A knows his stuff!

Dr. A used that huge one on my quads!

I felt like a million dollars until I got home and half-tripped over the little wooden border on the floor that separates the kitchen from the play room.  I didn't fall, but catching myself really pulled on that hip flexor.  OUCH, like big time.  I did this again at school two more times on Friday (Caylan's binder during 5th period, and an empty box in the office after school).  Each time, I could feel my hip flexor straining and each time, it hurt reallllllly badly, and it took a couple of hours for it to feel okay again.  I need to pick up my feet or something!  I told my friends that I need a plastic bubble to live in for the next week.

My bubble!

So... where does that leave me now?  My friends and coach keep saying, "Just think of this as a super-awesome taper."  Easier said than done, though. I am all too familiar with over-tapering (from swimming), so the idea that I could be resting TOO much is definitely at the forefront of my mind.  I have a "long" run scheduled for tomorrow... 5-6 miles.  It is the last long run of the training cycle.  I am going to try my best to be grateful for each step.  I miss my training partners so much, so I will be happy to be with them again.  This is what we've been dreaming about, our taper when we would be able to say, "ONLY  10 miles today!"--that's how far they are running tomorrow; I'm obviously not going that far.  So I will stay within the run, and try not to think about what I will be doing in just 8 more days.  I will also try to not overanalyze how my body is feeling.  My race strategy will undoubtedly be a race-day decision, and I'm okay with that.  There won't be any A/B/C goals from me.  This time, the goal is to finish the race, hopefully with a smile on my face.  I can't ask much more from my body than that.